Now that I have a small child (they’re on sale this week on Amazon, plus free shipping if you have Prime!) I’ve had to pay extra attention to the kid’s menu at restaurants. In many cases they’re not bad deals – and they usually include dessert. This is smart, because unless you want to sit around just watching your kid eating dessert like some stiff, you’re probably gonna have to splurge for the dessert too. No way I’m watching my kid eat jello while I sit around with my thumb up my butt (which is the socially acceptable sitting style at restaurants when one has no food in front of them).
Despite the advantages of the kids menu for the kids, as an adult, I’ve got some issues with the kids menu. Most places I’ve been to lately haven’t updated their kids menu since I was a kid. You still see the Popeye, the Bert & Ernie, the Daffy Duck, the Smurf, and the Pink Panther. You see that makes sense to people my age, but little kids don’t know what a Pink Panther is (they might literally think they’re going to be served a fried pink panther). So when they order a Pink Panther from the kids menu, they don’t know that’s supposed to be a kid’s cartoon character. They think it’s just a regular name of a food. So they go through life thinking that. When they get older and go to order a Pink Panther, they don’t realize that this is not normal. They might think it’s a fancy dish. Oh the embarrassment that awaits future generations!
Also, there needs to be some regulation on the kids menu. I mean at the Empire Diner a Ghostbuster might be chicken fingers but at the Tick Tock Diner, a Ghostbuster might be a corn dog. I wanna know that a Ghostbuster is the same food in Manhattan as it is in Cheboygan.
I say, let’s drag Telly Savalas up, bring back the Player’s Club, rename it the Diner’s Club, and get them to work on putting some regulation into the kid’s menu industry. Here’s looking at you kid’s menu!
There also needs to be better trademark enforcement. I get mad when I see pictures of clearly trademarked characters on the menu. I want to pull a citizen’s trademark arrest. Really, Podunk Diner, you paid for the rights to license Mickey Mouse on your menu? Really? I think my friend Robert A. Iger (who is in reality not actually my friend) would beg to differ. Trademark Infringement…it’s not child’s play (man that was a silly way to end this post)!