After airing prime time addresses to the nation last night, President Donald Trump and congressional Democrats appeared miles apart on the situation at the nation’s Southern border and an end to the government shutdown. However, a meeting late today between Trump and Nancy Pelosi has reportedly produced the first thaw in the political impasse. While the two sides remained divided on the core issues, the two politicians did agree to a date for the end of the government shutdown…Rusev Day!
“The American people want an end to this awful, unnecessary shutdown. And I’m happy to announce that we now have a date we can all look forward to,” said Pelosi.
“This is huge. Almost as huge as Rusev’s biceps. That guy’s almost as handsome as me,” added the President.
When pressed by reporters on the actual date of Rusev Day, Pelosi mentioned it’s “right around the corner,” while Trump added “it’s a very special day, you’ll know when it’s here.”
(Machka) Kickstarting The Government
Rusev himself was flattered to be mentioned by the leaders of the nation. “Oh, what a glorious Rusev Day it will be. Apparently, I love America now. I used to hate it, but now since I started acting all silly, I like it. Go Figure.”
Rumors that the President has contacted Heavy Machinery for a price quote on a wall are yet unconfirmed.
Much like Dean Douglas’ initials, this is/was/then/now/forever a parody (pair of D’s).